Thursday, November 6, 2014

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I get shot and die…


Back in 2010, the world was introduced to a promising young director.  His name was David Michod.  The film we saw was ‘Animal Kingdom’, and it was incredible.  He was such a fresh, fierce new voice that had such vision and such focus.

What is this mess?

I don’t think I’ve been this disappointed in a follow up film since I saw ‘Only God Forgives’ after the brilliant ‘Drive’.  Why do directors with such vision lose their way in this seeming arrogant, pretentious way, mucking their way through something that doesn’t make sense just so they can say that they made what they wanted to make and not what someone told them to make?  We can’t all be Terrence Malick!  We can’t all film a landscape and a spider and people staring at each other and call it art because, unless you know what you’re doing, that landscape and spider and staring contest means absolutely nothing.

‘The Rover’ means absolutely nothing.


Shortly after watching this movie, my exact thoughts were...


The premise of ‘The Rover’ should stand as a warning.  Ten years after some sort of global economic collapse, a loner has his car stolen by a group of wandering hoodlums and he loses it.  He picks up a retarded kid who just so happens to be the brother of one of the hoodlums, and he pursues them with the intention of getting his car back.  For about an hour, after he picks up the idiot, nothing happens.  They drive and they stare at each other and they mumble and we fall asleep and then, for the last ten minutes, shots are fired and people die, but we don’t care because these characters are so lifeless and so hollow and so, uninteresting.


I hate that my newly crowned cinematic man-crush, Joel Edgerton, wrote this ridiculous screenplay.


The best thing about this movie, surprisingly, was Robert Pattinson, who pulls out a really authenticated character, at least from a technical, physical perspective.  His ticks, stutters, mumbles and awkward body movements feel grounded and honest, but the character is such a blank slate that his ultimate fate left me with nothing more than a shrug (no, I lie, I was pretty elated that the credits were seconds from rolling).  I like slow moving films, when they have something to say.  Sadly, ‘The Rover’ fails to say anything more than, “you might as well take a nap, this is going to take a while”.

If you haven't guessed, I give this a resounding F!

12 comments:

  1. Oy, I have no interest in seeing this and now you confirmed my dread, Drew. I'm still curious to see Animal Kingdom though, man w/ Jacki Weaver and Joel Edgerton, it's gotta be GOOD!

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    1. Animal Kingdom racked up a few Fisti nods, including one for Weaver and even a BP and director nod for Michod. That's why this horrid film is so disappointing.

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  2. Ouch, I loved Animal Kingdom, it's a shame to hear his next outing blew so badly.

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    1. I'm serious when I say that this was Michod's 'Only God Forgives'...only this was worse.

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  3. I guess Rover rolled over and died:) I does not sound like any flick I want to see unless I need a sleeping pill

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    1. It was like getting a sedative dart in the neck, for sure.

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  4. Oh man :P I was curious about it because I heard a lot of praise for Pattinson but I guess I better skip it

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    1. Pattinson is the best part of this film. He absolutely nails the character...sadly there just isn't anything to that character.

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  5. You're getting it wrong! :P LOL, this is a really divisive one. I'm in the B+ territory right now, but it's no Animal Kingdom, for sure.

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    1. Yeah, but you gave Only God Forgives an A, so...

      ;-)

      I kid, I kid...

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    2. Woah, woah. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I gave it an A-. :P

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