There is just so much shit to talk about. I had ten subjects, and it's only Tuesday. I narrowed this down to five, which means that I'm sure another one of these will be coming tomorrow. I just can't chew that much at one time. These are by far the juiciest stories anyways, and they are all pretty similar (my god, there was some bitching going on this weekend/week) and while I make it a point to generally speak of films and movie stars first, I just can't NOT talk about this Beyonce/Jay-Z/Salonge drama because it's just the greatest thing to ever happen to celebrity scandal since forever.
Besides, the Knowles girls have both been in movies before, so they sort of count.
Let's do this!
First, Jeffrey Wells is apparently a HUGE tool. I know that this isn't really news. I mean, doesn't everyone in the blogging community pretty much consider him a douche? Still, this story about him being denied access to the press screening for Disney's Million Dollar Arm is just a new level of douchery.
Two things are wrong about this story, so let's talk about them both. First, this movie looks awful, so missing the screening shouldn't be that big of a deal. Like, the brisk walk/horrible train ride he had were probably more interesting than this movie about Jon Hamm's bat. But the real issue here is the fact that Wells honestly thinks that showing up thirty minutes late to this was no big deal and wouldn't affect his overall review of the film.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Are we really insinuating that the first thirty minutes of a film is not important? Oh, he's not insinuating it at all, he's outright saying it!
"I didn’t think I’d miss much if I began at the half-hour mark as it would be all set-up about Jon Hamm‘s sports-agent character having career trouble and deciding to go to India to find some talent."
He's joking, right? Sadly, I don't think he is (and his reactions to the comments on his very post is telling). I mean, this is just true signs of a man who doesn't take his job seriously anymore. He's an entitled fuck who thinks that he should be catered to or have the rules broken for him. No. If it were my movie and you showed up late (and not five minutes late) I'd tell you to fuck off too. The set up is VERY crucial to a film, or at least to an honest evaluation of a film. The fact that he outright dismisses this is just a complete shame.
From one tool to a whole clan of them, can we talk about the Smith family for a minute. So much hoopla was made last week over this scandalous picture of 13 year-old Willow Smith and family friend Moises Arias, who is 20, laying in a bed together. The picture is obviously sexualized and it is just not appropriate. That being said, as weirded out as I am by the whole thing, the response made by the Smith's is even more disturbing. In reading about this picture I happen to stumble across this tidbit from a Metro interview in April.
"We don't do punishment. The way that we deal with our kids is, they are responsible for their lives. Our concept is, as young as possible, give them as much control over their lives as possible and the concept of punishment, our experience has been—it has a little too much of a negative quality. So when they do things—and you know, Jaden, he's done things—you can do anything you want as long as you can explain to me why that was the right thing to do for your life."
WHAT THE FUCK?
This is pretty much the worst example of parenting I have ever heard of this side of selling your kids for food. I mean, do these Smith people even live on our planet, or have the officially left it for another I'm unaware of? When you listen to your son speak and he sounds like a complete fucking idiot, coupled with the most arrogant and sarcastic tone possible, wouldn't you think to yourselves "I'm fucking up"? You'd hope so, but Will Smith is also one of the most arrogant, self consumed assholes on the planet, so I guess you get what you give. As a parent, they offend me.
If you're done punching walls, let's move on and laugh at some real desperation.
So, Cannes is kicking off and those in competition have their sights on that big prize, but apparently no one wants it more than Naomi Kawase. Her film, Still the Water, is in competition this year and she thinks she's deserving of the Palme D'Or. Now, I'm sure everyone in competition thinks the deserve it, or at least knows that they want it, but vocalizing that desire can make you come across slightly (or not so slightly) entitled. Remember when Kate Winslet went all "oh course I want a fucking Oscar" and the world started mocking her? Well, she won, so maybe this means Kawase will too.
"There is no doubt that this is my masterpiece. This is the first time that I have said this about a film. After the Camera D'Or and the Grand Prix, there is nothing I want more than the Palme D'Or. I have my eyes on nothing else."
I have no idea who this woman is, or what films she has made, but I know I haven't seen them. My god though, I really want to see this one and I hope she wins solely to hear what she has to say about it...but then again, when your hopes are so high, the bitter taste of defeat can sound so much more entertaining to everyone else around you.
Alright, so this news isn't about an actor or director being douchy, but we all know that von Trier is a douche (and his reaction to his Cannes win for Europa is a classic example of what I'd love to see happen with Kawase) so it applies.
Yes, Lars von Trier is talking about penning a horror movie! I know that many, many people loathe von Trier, and it's understandable why. He has a very direct and unforgiving persona and his recent output (the glorious Melancholia excluded) has been embarrassing and self-indulgent, but let's not forget that this man has given us treasures like Breaking the Wave and Dancer in the Dark and so we really shouldn't forget that he is a very talented filmmaker with a distinct vision, one that is never compromised, even when we all feel like it should have been.
So, I'm pretty excited about this!
I personally felt that Nymphomaniac was a horror movie (at least all that quivering vagina terrified me) but this could be something special.
Alright...let's just get to the media find of the century!
So, after the Met Gala, apparently Solange Knowles (sister to the mega-superstar Beyonce) got into an altercation with her brother-in-law, Jay-Z. The reason for this is still unknown (although everyone wants to speculate), but he video footage has been the gift that keeps on giving, and finally, FINALLY, I am finding this pitch perfect pair of mediocre talents fascinating, so cheers all around.
There are so many things to take from this video, but the one that everyone keeps regurgitating is the fact that Beyonce completely detaches herself from this situation. She is so calm and collected and just watches her husband ward off blow after blow from a crazed lunatic. Who knows why this all happened, but Solange is certainly on a rampage. Even after the bodyguard pries her off, she lunges back the minute he turns his back. The fact that Solange has deleted her sisters pictures from her Instagram account and Beyonce has baited her with a message about removing negative influences from her life, I'd say this is not the last we hear of this.
So there you have it. I was going to talk about Macbeth and news of that Flintstones cartoon (which we should probably talk about) but it'll all have to wait. This was far more important.