Wednesday, April 30, 2014

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?

When this aired at Tribeca and then was subsequently released online by the film’s writer/producer Joss Whedon, I was excited.  The film looked, in stills at least, to be a beautiful film, and the concept was quite intriguing.  About ten minutes in, I knew that this was not a film for me and it had me questioning whether or not I even wanted to commit the entire hour and forty minutes to it.  I did, ultimately, watch the whole thing.

Maybe I just don’t get Wedon.  He’s been raved by so many who have been loyal followers of his television work for years, but I don’t watch TV and I have never seen the shows he raved about for.  Nope, never seen ‘Buffy’ or ‘Firefly’ and I honestly don’t care to.  I have seen his recent output theatrically though (whether directing or writing) and I haven’t been blown away.  ‘The Avengers’ was nice, but ‘Cabin in the Woods’ was so oversaturated and absurd and his take on Shakespeare was littered with actors who just dropped a thousand balls.  This cult following he has for churning out made-for-TV movies baffles me.

Less than ten minutes in and I was reminded why I never watch those ridiculous teen soap operas on The CW.

"OMG, you mean my movie sucks?"
Yes, it isn’t in the concept but the execution that this film fails horribly.  The story is rather intriguing.  You have a troubled young man named Dylan who has a strange connection to another troubled young person, Rebecca.  Rebecca thinks she’s crazy, and so does everyone else in her life, including her doctor husband, Phillip, who is always looking for ways to protect her from herself.  Dylan is fresh out of prison and hanging around the wrong people.  Then one day they hear each other and realize that they can talk to one another and see one another.  So, they start telepathically dating, pretty much, having ridiculous conversations in plain sight while other people point and laugh.  They get involved in each other’s lives.  Rebecca tries to set Dylan up with Donna, but then starts judging her.  Dylan judges Phillip and soon the two of them are racing towards one another (literally), intent on sharing their lives with each other.

Yes, you saw how that paragraph started interesting and then blew off the rails.  That is how the movie is.

You have this concept that is utterly eviscerated by AWFUL dialog and painful performances.  Kazan and Stahl-David are attractive enough, but they are so unconvincing in their roles and try their hardest to make their sitcom dialog work, but it all feels so corny and rough.  They though, are the best thing about this film, which is sad.  The supporting cast is just terrible, especially Steve Howey.  The execution of this concept is cringe-worthy, to be honest.  Nothing makes any sense.  Their connection is never really explored, and the complete disregard for the way they look in front of others is just dumb.  They come across as complete idiots to the point where I really wanted the film to end with them in mental hospitals.  The overbearing nature of the framing is also distracting.  Yes, let’s have Rebecca twist her wedding ring over and over and over again so that we get the point that she is not happy in her marriage.  Yes, let’s have Phillip act so nervous when he sees his wife looking through boxes, literally jumping in front of her to distract her.  Let’s just beat everything down to a pulp so that you get it.

"Why does everything I say sound so dumb?"
It’s glossy, and at times visually impressive, but this was a mess. 

At least the love scene was cool.

I give this an F.  Like, this was truly awful in every way.  The biggest waste of time I've spent this year, and this is coming from someone who loathed that 'Peabody' movie.  At least I got a smile out of my kids with that mess.  This was just one long awkward moment that never went away and left me feeling really, really stupid.

Honestly, hitting a tree with a sled and going into a coma sounds more fun than watching this shit again.


  1. Haha, an F? I was actually planning to go the world premiere for this one. Glad I went to see 'Boulevard' instead.

    1. Be glad you spared yourself this shit. Be very glad. I wish I could take it back.

  2. Ouch! I really liked Kazan in Ruby Sparks. Maybe I should wait on this, I've already watched two bad movies this week.

    1. LOL, watching bad movies is bad enough, but when they come in pairs it's even worse!

  3. Ok... I might give this a look, but it's very low on my radar. :/